Thank you cancer!

I’m participating in a 21 day meditation challenge with Oprah and Deepak Chopra. It began on the day that I first met with an Oncologist and found I had enlarged lymph nodes in multiple places on my body. That first meditation’s Centering Thought was “I am open to miracles.” Boy was I ever open to miracles that day! We are now on Day 12 and today’s Centering Thought, which I repeated continuously as I went into my PET scan just having drunk radioactive sugar for the cancer to eat up and then glow for the camera, was “I use my energy to heal and transform”. I couldn’t have thought of a more perfect phrase to repeat during that process.

These Centering Thoughts have all been spot on which is eerie and cool. The one that brought me to tears though was last night’s on gratitude. Oprah started the meditation by saying that “having appreciation for whatever shows up in your life actually recalibrates your very vibration.” I thought to myself, “Appreciation for whatever shows up in my life? Like this cancer? How in the hell do I have appreciation for cancer showing up in my life? Is that even possible?” But I took this concept on during the rest of the meditation. I searched for ways to thank cancer for showing up. What I found was two-fold: that this cancer has already benefitted my life in several ways, and that this attitude of gratitude is much more peaceful and positive than my previous attitude of bitter resentment. And now that I think about it, those two are inter-related. 

First, I would like to share that I have the best friends in the world. They have rallied to my side unflinchingly and created a huge web of support in short order. I am incredibly grateful for you all. The outpouring of love has been amazing and beautiful and I so appreciate it. Second, this cancer has already given me valuable perspective about what is truly important in life. Success, proving yourself, perfection and being right are definitely not it. Peace, love, kindness, laughing, joy, and spending time with loved ones, is what it’s all about. I wasn’t extreme in this regard before this cancer came along but I do see that I had lost perspective as I impatiently built my new business. As I said in a previous post, I was busy and had dropped out the practices that brought me back to center. The result was me being short tempered with my kids and husband and not being as available as I’d like to be as I felt the stress from self-imposed pressure to be successful.

So as I wait for the final diagnosis and results from the bone marrow biopsy I had on Tuesday and results from today’s PET scan, not only have I put in place daily meditation and exercise to alleviate stress, I’m also reading books on the power of positive thinking (The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter, & Miracles by Bruce H. Lipton) and on how to heal yourself with your thoughts (Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof That You Can Heal Yourself by Lissa Rankin). Having more positive thoughts and lowering my stress levels have been the two areas that I can see need for improvement. I’m on my way to gaining insight and access to creating these more in my life. So Thank You cancer for helping me see these growth opportunities. Now please go away.